In The Mind of A Thirtysomething Mom

If You'd Just Listen

D recently got a job.  Luckily it is located near where we currently live, so he's able to walk to work.

Thanks to a front that came through yesterday, it's incredibly windy here today.  As D was getting ready to head out to work, I insisted he wear something to cover his ears.

Me:  You have to cover your ears so you don't get an earache.

D:  I'll be fine.

Me:  Just wear the stinking earmuffs. 

D:  No!  They look ridiculous.  I don't need them anyway.  I'll be fine.

Me: If you don't cover them, your ears will get so cold they'll fall off; then you'll have nothing to hold up your glasses.  You don't look right without glasses, so you have to cover your ears!

D:  Mom!

Me:  Well then wear the stocking cap.

D:  No, Mom.  That's just worse.

Me:  Where is it?  *I dig around in his closet and find it on the top shelf*  Ah, here it is!

I come out of his room and find him trying to hide himself in the linen closet to avoid me putting the hat on his head.  I pull him out of the closet and situate the hat on his head.

Me:  There ya go.  Your ears are nice and covered.  Now they won't get so cold that they fall off your head.

D:  You know, if they did fall off then I wouldn't have to listen to you.

I walk off laughing while he finishes getting ready.  About 5 minutes after he walks out the front door, the phone rings.

Me:  Hello?

D:  *Sighs*  This wind is nuts!  It's freaking cold out here.  You were right. 

I think those are the three best words a mother could ever hear.  :)

You Get What You Ask For

D: I'm bored.  I wish someone would call me.

 

M: *Picks up phone and dials D's number*

 

Odd music plays throughout the dining room

 

D: Hello

 

M:  There, I called you.  Are you happy now?

 

D:  *Sighs while giving M the stink eye*  I wish a pretty girl my age would call me.

Car Conversations

We were in the car on the way home from church and were having a discussion about when sex-ed was taught in schools.  Mr. Frog asked me if I had covered how babies were made with M yet.  The following conversation took place:

M: Yes I know.  They come from mommy's uterus.

Me: (Turning to Mr. Frog) Not yet.  All we've covered is just what she said.  She knows where they technically come from, but not how they got there.

M: Y'all are talking about sex, aren't you?

B: They have a video you watch in middle school. (Referring to that infamous childbirth video everyone is forced to watch)

Me: Yes, B, I know.  We have a video at home.

M:  YOU GUYS ACTUALLY RECORDED THAT?  OH MY GOD!!!!

 

Needless to say, I almost wet myself and Mr. Frog couldn't breathe for almost 5 minutes due to laughing so hard.

 

Mortified

If you've paid any attention lately, you'll remember that we're searching for a house.  A couple of weeks ago, Mr. Frog and I attended an open house for a cute little house located on the water.  We opted to tour this house alone while D sat with the rest of the tadpoles in the car (air on, him in the front seat).  There was another couple that was touring the house while we were that left about 5 minutes or so before we did.  We finished up and headed outside to go check out the beach the realtor told us about.

When we got out to the car, D was shaking his head and mumbling incoherently.  Once I finally got him to speak intelligibly, he shared the following with me:

D: I am so embarrassed.

Me: Why?

D: Well, you always tell me to be a gentleman, right?

Me: Yes.

D: Well, that couple came out and got into their car.

Me: Okay.

D: As they were getting in, I saw the lady drop something.

Me: ....

D: So being the gentleman you've raised me to be, I jogged up to her and told her she had dropped something.

Me:  Well, that was nice of you.

D: So I bent down to pick it up and hand it to her, when I noticed what it was.  The whole time, she's telling me I didn't need to get it.

Me:  ???? (Not seeing the problem here)

D:  Mom, it was a tampon.  *Blushing and hiding head*

Me: *Collapses on the floor of the van laughing.*

Mortified or not, at least he's a gentleman.  :)

Drama Queen Doesn't Even Cut It

I'm sitting at the table last night checking email when I hear a blood-curdling scream come from the living room.

Me:  What, what's wrong?

M:  It broke!

Me: What broke?  (Thinking a bone, or something equally important)

M: My Silly Band.  It broke!

Me: Well just throw it away.  It can't be fixed.  You'll be alright.

M:  No.  I.  Won't!  It's a SILLY BAND, and now it's broken!  I HAVE TO get another one!

I just shake my head and return to my email.

It only gets worse as they get older, doesn't it?

I better get acknowledged in that acceptance speech.